Darrenfrost.com | The Official Website of Darren Frost

If you close your eyes hard enough and then wack yourself upside the head with a large stick. That ringing in your ears and that disorientated feeling is the same one I get from standup these days. From great shows to gigs where I threaten to kill myself. The same feeling comes over me like a wave.

A wave of gutterall alley piss washing away the goodness and leaving me in the outback woods of British Columbia. Here is the story a young boy who just wanted the love off the world and one special raccoon.

The Happy Clappy Fun Boy Years 92-97

Hard to believe I started out as the happiest comic in the world. Doing very odd material and touring the country headlining clubs by 95-96. I went through a number of catch phrases. The one I am most known for was “Good for Me!!” I still have many people coming up to me and saying that to me. Things were great in the beginning because you really want a crowd to love what you are doing. It is hard work becoming a comic who can do a 45 minute set and I threw my whole life into it.

So what happened? Well a few things in succession. The first problem is that being a character comic you can’t really change gears mid set. You have to commit to it and either kill or die a horrible death. One night you are killing and the next you are thinking…maybe the funny pants are a mistake in Saskatchewan. I also had a problem (ego alert) with trying to craft good jokes and people only remembering the catch phase “Good for Me”. I know…who cares Darren this is just all bullshit in your head and quite the jerkoff session. It started to get to me, that I worked hard on the writing end and received nothing for it.

Finally, I started to write material that was more appropriate for a mid twenty year old. It is hard to try and do a third world hunger joke with funny pants on. So one night on amateur night we retired the pants. We hung them from the ceiling of the club and I changed into a suit and said goodbye to the clothes forever. At the end of the night Jack and I did a “Whose on First” on crack routine. Jack felt that I did it better with the funny pants on…so much to the chagrin of the audience I put the funny pants back on one more time. The crowd was yelling “NO…don’t do it…live for today …don’t look back” etc. That was the last time I wore those pants……

Little Man Hate Years 96-Now

It was hard to convert out of something as safe as an act that works but you have to do it. So I started out writing a new act. Yes it was angrier and more in your face but that came later. They were just jokes that did not include cocks or pussies. Some of it was intelligent and some not so much. It took me a few years to really get the character where I was happy with it. Many shows of me killing and then saying the wrong thing and boom they hate me.

“Darren Frost…the only comic who can go form 60 to zero in two lines.” Mark Walker This is also where I started doing a lot of alternative rooms. Most comics there are alternative to funny but I found a smaller group that actually were doing something different. Most of my stories that work in my act today were groomed at the Rivoli or Clintons in Toronto.

I started to get noticed from doing the angry thing. Most people had some angry jokes but no one was doing it for more then five minutes. That is when I started to just be who I was and the anger came naturally. Hey, I know it is not everyone’s cup of tea but if I brew it, it is my tea.

Cut to 2004 and I am taping a comedy special this summer for the comedy network. What will happen who knows but it will be fun doing it I can guarantee that.

Top Ten Worse Shows of All Time

1. Niagara College October 99: Banned …have since played

2. Brock University October 99: Banned…have since played

3. Fairview Alberta Winter 97…a woman threatened to cut me and meant it

4. Prince Albert Winter 2002…first time I ever threaten to kill myself on stage and people cheered

5. Western University Winter 2004…they may think they are intelligent but hey even monkeys that jerk off are around professors sometimes

6. London Yuk Yuks 2000…threaten to rape a hecklers grandchildren and had 20 minutes left…yeah hard to be the nice guy after that

7. Vancouver Yuks 2003….35 people had to be kicked out…first time I said to a guy “talking to you is like punching retarded fish..what’s the point”

8. Calgary Yuks 1997….owner of club thought I was suicidal cause I bombed that badly

9. Brampton Bar Gig 2002….was told that I had to be nice and not swear and everyone in the crowd was telling me to fuck off literally

10. Seneca College 1999…death threats and college kids…they go together like peanut butter and chocolate…not.

Road Stories

Every few weeks I am going to post a road story. It could be about a current show or a past one that deserves special mention.

Niagara College October 1999

This gig is still one of the best stories I could ever tell. The printed word can not do this story justice but oh well here goes.

Niagara is known to be the worst college gig in Canada. Why I am the only one willing to say it in the printed word I don’t know. The kids get hammered and never listen to
the show. But Daddy needed the 250. I guess that is the going rate for the soul of a comedian 250 Canadian and some free nachos.

I am on stage for less then five minutes and I do a limp bizkit joke and some rugby team at the back starts heckling.

“Fuck you …Limp Bizkit is cool…” etc etc

I say to the nice gentlemen

“Hey kids….I am not new at this… we can do this my way which is nice…… or your way is not nice.”

“Fuck you asshole why don’t you just be funny” (or something like that ..it always ends up this way so I might be paraphrasing)

“Look buddy if you don’t shut up I am going to strip naked, jump off the stage and rub my ass on you and if you think I am fucking around just keep pushin”

“Fuck yo…you don’t have the balls”

“Oh don’t I” as I look to the security guy standing beside the stage doing nothing. “I warned these fucking kids” I say to the security guy. So I slowly took my clothes off one at a time and cupped my cock and jumped off the stage and ran at the guy. The audience parted like the red sea. The mouthy one took off but his buddy started up. I jumped up on his buddy’s shoulder and grinded my ass into his shirt

“Oh man…gross get off me man….”

I then slowly walked back to the stage cupped my cock and waited for the kids to sit again. Then I simply and calmly asked “Do you guys want me to put my clothes back on”

“Yes” they all unanimously replied

“Well you know what I hate you kids so much I am not putting my clothes back on.”

So I did most of my act half naked and then put my clothes back on and introduced the next comic. There is more to this story but it is internal political comic bullshit about the other guy so fuck it.

A little side note is that there was an article in the local paper about this incident (click picture to read article). If you notice in the article the picture, I never smile for the camera ever in promo shots. In this icture I have the biggest shit eating grin cause I know what is coming next and the kids don’t believe I will do it. Also notice they call me Darren Little AKA Frost. What the fuck is that…gotta love amateurs.

I did go back to the college but never to the night show or that campus. This has been the gig that has haunted my career….in a good way. I hope you have enjoyed my journey down memory lane. More to come as soon as I remember them.

Boat Cruise

2002 Summer

Have you ever thought to yourself …how can I make this comedy thing even more fun. How about putting it on a boat for three hours with people who normally do not go to comedy shows and try to ease them into it.

That is exactly what happened one summer night. 300 lackies who eat a lame all you can eat buffet and listen to three comics whoring themselves like sea monkeys on crack.

This is why I do not do these kinds of shows anymore. I agreed to do the gig and said I would play nice and do a somewhat clean set. Halfway through the set I saw some flashing lights and a boat come up beside the SS Titanic. It turns out that a couple were so affended with my show they would rather WATER TAXI off the boat then listen to the last ten
minutes of my set.

Now I was not the headliner that night and the manager of the show was quite upset with me and asked how I felt. Normally I would be rather proud of this accomplishment. Wow I am the only person in the history of Toronto comedy where someone water taxied off a boat.

Alas, I felt bad since I agreed to play nice. At the moment the manager was trying to tear me a new asshole, over the speaker you could hear the headliner Kerry Talmage (www.kerrytalmage.com…..rest in peace). He was doing a bit about the noise a pussy makes when it farts. As we both stopped talking and listened to the speaker all I could say was

“Hey man, they may of watertaxied off because of me, but if they heard that they would have swam to shore.”

Boats are not funny and never will be fucky. That was one of the last shows I did with Kerry and if you have time please visit his site. Talmage passed away a few months ago and he is missed.